self injury – Diamond Counseling

December 1, 2017November 30, 2017

The Paradox of Self Harm in a World of Quick Fixes

Today I’d like to talk about some serious paradoxes of modern society. Could this explain in part why we are so ill? And why is self-harm occurring at such alarming rates?

Society tells us to love our bodies but then offers lipo and tummy tucks to fix those problem areas.
Society tells us to seek materialism, buy more things, but then condemns us for not finding happiness in it.
Society tells us we’re beautiful but then bombards us with very unnatural makeup products.
Society tells us to grow old gracefully but then pushes a multi-billion dollar anti-aging campaign on us.
Society tells us effort is the most important thing but then drapes young adults with cords at graduation and has a ceremony to honor outcome.
Society tells us to love ourselves and take time for self-care but then pushes little white or blue pills at us to remedy our sadness, or loneliness or brokenness.
Society wants us to be connected to our families, our neighbors, our friends but then values Facebook and Instagram likes more than phone calls and hugs.

It seems absurd to the majority of the population that harming oneself would ever feel better than not harming oneself. In fact, self-harm behaviors contradict what appears to be reasonable, logical and acceptable ways of self care, even in a world of quick fixes. But I’ve worked with enough self-harmers to tell you definitively, self-harmers are seeing all of those societal expectations and more. And they are condemning themselves for not measuring up.

This condemning takes the form of self-loathing, guilt, anxiety, anger, and being overwhelmed and its so unbearable to be stuck in this emotional storm that they find a way to shelter themselves. Self-preservation though self-mutilation of the body’s soft tissue. The act offers a temporary but effective quick fix. The emotional pain goes away, instantly, for the moment. Quick fix. Society likes that, no doubt, except this one is taboo, shameful, and “bad”.

So what do we do? How do we change? First understand quick fix and society’s paradoxes. Then work towards understanding why self-harm happens, and why it happens again.

Peace be with you my friends.

July 28, 2015

I’m Not Crazy: The Social Stigma of Therapy

Throughout the years, and because of my profession, I’ve often had the chance in a non-clinical setting to lend an ear to people from all walks of life who are struggling with something. It may be something as big as childhood molestation or as small as being easily frustrated by a spouse’s habits. Sometimes it’s anxiety or depression or anger. All things big and small share a common element. These things occupy valuable real estate in the person’s mind and draws uncomfortable emotions to the surface, while detracting from a life filled with joy and peace.

After listening intently I ultimately suggest therapy as an option to deal with said thing. “Oh no, I’m not crazy!”

It’s a much more common response than you might think and I’m saddened there is still a social stigma attached to mental health help. I ask why they think going to therapy means they’re crazy. Sometimes I get blown off. But, sometimes, I get a chance to dispel the myths surrounding therapy and mental health.

Here are my thoughts on who goes to see a therapist and why, from a therapists perspective.

Most people who go to therapy go to help themselves cope with intense and uncomfortable feelings they don’t like having. PERIOD.

Many people go to help themselves cope with normal, every day stress and some go to improve relationships. Often people go for moderate problems and it is not true that people who go are “really messed up”. Most people go for only a short time before they begin to feel better (8 to 12 sessions). There’s no rule that says one has to go for a long time or dig into their past. And for that matter, it can be exactly what the person wants it to be. A good therapist will work on what the client wants to work on by helping the person navigate the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that keep them “stuck”.

People who go to therapy know there is a difference between talking to a friend and talking to a therapist. A therapist can help them reach their goal. Most people do not need to go on medication to start feeling better, but some do decide to go on medication while in therapy. Neither being in therapy, nor taking medication, makes you crazy. In my opinion it makes one proactive, courageous, and demonstrates self-care.

Therapy is a tool in your coping tool box. Sometimes you need to pull out the right tool for the right task. If you’re unhappy or anxious or want to change something that is taking up space in your zen zone, consider therapy. There is no shame in taking steps to improve one’s mental health. It’s one of the best things a person can do for themselves. Know what you need and how to get it in a healthy way. There’s nothing better than that.

For information on getting effective therapy see my blog post entitled

Good Therapy: Are You Getting It?

Posted on April 26, 2014